Ms. Dominique

Ms. Dominique
Ms. Dominique

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Eat, Pray, Lick a Frog

Eat, Pray, Lick a Frog*

How I Found Spiritual Enlightenment
While Nobbing the Next President of France

“Ms. Dominique Suches-Koch.”

Translated from an obscure French-Canadian dialect
by Earl Lee

* … or an African Maid in a New York 5-Star Luxury Hotel

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Advance Praise (from Angels in Heaven) for the Spiritual Bestseller: ”Eat, Pray, Lick a Frog”


Advance Praise (from Angels in Heaven) for the Spiritual Bestseller:
 ”Eat, Pray, Lick a Frog”

"If you could clear out all that empty space in your mind, you would have a doorway to The Universe. And once you open that door, you know what The Universe would do? Rush in looking for its car keys." — Albert Einstein, Physicist

“On page 35 she said, ‘He just folded my dainties...’ And I thought: Oh my God baby, you are in so much trouble. Only a professional massage therapist should do that.” — Zasu Pitts, Actress

“Anne, … you really thought this book was ‘rich in spiritual insights’ … really? Which book were you reading? I think this book is about as spiritual as a head of cabbage.” – Emma Goldman, Anarchist Organizer

“She believes that the Holy Truth of her whole adventure is there in that one line: ‘God dwells within you... as you.’ Sorry, Honey. God's not interested in watching your phony mime-like impression of how a spiritual person behaves. He just wants the whole thing to be over, as soon as possible. Unfortunately, God can be very patient.” — Helen Keller, Socialist and Author

[Based on her description of a threesome with two Italian brothers in Rome]
"Then when I took a closer look at this place [Rome?] at the chaos it has endured — the way it has been adapted, ravaged, pillaged and yet it found a way to build itself back up again. This place is a miracle” -- Dr. David Livingstone, Scottish Missionary to Africa and amateur Gynecologist. 

“I’ve seen more true spirituality in instructional messages written by Polish boys on the walls of a public toilet” — Pope John Paul II, Leading Roman Papist

“We men have been criticized for centuries for ‘thinking with our dicks’ but this dumb blonde really seems to think that God has taken up residence in her twat. At least that’s where she thinks those loud, invisible voices are coming from.” – Casey Stengel, Baseball Enthusiast

“Can you imagine a life more self-centered and trivial? I can’t. And I died in Los Angeles, surrounded by my entourage.” – Michael Jackson, Singer

Friday, July 12, 2013

Translator’s note:

Translator’s note:

Although it was not reported in the Mainstream Press, while the future President of France was being removed from an Air France flight at a New York airport, a young woman who I will call “Ms. Dominique” was being arrested in the lobby of a five-star luxury hotel and she was later held for several weeks at Rikers Island, the notoriously filthy prison in New York. Undaunted by this ordeal, Dominique began to write her spiritual autobiography, which explains exactly how she came to be in this situation. Because she didn’t have paper or pen, Ms. Dominique wrote this memoir on the backside of a young Ukrainian prostitute using mascara and a set of “Lee’s Press-On Nails.” As Dr. Johnson once quipped, this is a memoir that was “writ small”—or at least on the small of someone’s back–something like a tramp-stamp, but with far better spelling and less dignity.

Granted this document hardly compares with Dr. Martin Luther King’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” or with John Bunyan’s “Pilgrim’s Progress” or with Johnnie Cash’s “Folsum Prison Blues” or even Oscar Wilde’s “Dating Aristocrats, For Dummies”but this memoir still reveals the deep emotional insights of the young lady and her slow emergence into spiritual enlightenment over a period of several months, leading up to her arrest. Few people know that “Ms. Dominique” is a magazine writer and performance artist whose work has been admired on five continents and three uninhabited islands. 

It is my hope that readers will walk into a bookstore and stumble over this book where it sits on the “Remaindered” table. I hope they read the back cover and publisher’s blurbs, and maybe even admire the lovely cover design and the author’s picture—and hopefully you will find all the spiritual truth you need by simply purchasing this book. But please, please, for your own sake, don’t actually read the book. This pill should be labeled “Not for Internal Use.”