Spiritual Advice in the manner of Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love”
“Not everyone can be beautiful. Kind of like (for example) my friend from Texas who they call ‘Ugly Bob.’ But even though most people find him to be a bit hideous, there are some people who seem to find Bob to be at least ‘sort of good-looking.’ Granted it’s mostly the Emo girls, a few Twinks, and even some middle-aged Black women seem to think he is maybe "okay-looking." I can’t explain it. But it’s true….
“What? You don’t know what a Twink is? Let me explain. A Twink is one of those cute twenty-something white boys. The twinks all look pretty much the same — and they all have this light tan color, just like Twinkies cakes. To me they all look pretty much like clones or maybe sextuplets. And (keep this a secret) I’m told that, ... if you squeeze them just right, they shoot out this white stuff — just like a Twinkie.
"It’s called ‘the Twinkie Surprise’ in some places. Even India, where they don’t sell many Twinkies. I can’t explain it. It’s one of those Mysteries of Faith. So just go with it.”